Some thing are and some things are not about Marvin. Some Marvins are Marvin, and other Marvins are not Marvin.
Go ahead. Sit down and look through your history books. You'll see that I'm right. You'll see. Just check.
Marvin has his hands bound. Marvin leaves his jacket unzipped. Marvin remembers birthdays with unerring accuracy. Marvin looms large in the minds of those who think about people other than Marvin.
Some of those things are about Marvin. Some of them are not. You must decide on your own which is which.
Marvin will repair the fence for you. Marvin lives in fear of being discovered by his uncle. Marvin reads much, much, much, much slower than any other person in the entire world. Marvin has never ever killed a bug.
Some of those things are about Marvin. Some of them are not. You have free will. God has given you free will. I leave it to your free will to make choices.
Marvin resembles no one so much as Marvin resembles Marvin. Marvin has a tree in his bathtub. When John Cage talks about silence, John Cage is talking about Marvin. When Flannery O'Conner talks about God, Flannery O'Conner is talking about Marvin. God is forever talking to everyone he knows about Marvin.
See the paragraph above the paragraph above this sentence for further instructions. It won't take long to reread it. Reread it. It's important. Trust me.
Marvin shines a light, shines a light, shines a light in the daaaarkness. Marvin is rude to children when being rude to children is completely necessary. Marvin stalls out after 600 miles of running in place. The sun is not efficient. The sun is not efficient. Stop believing that the sun is efficient.
"Fictional KITT (DS) is, like fictional KITT (KR), is a super-intelligent, wise-cracking computerized car. But fictional David Hasselhoff (DS) is the actor who plays a character named Michael Knight in Knight Rider."
For the rest of the week, I will post something small here every day.
A couple of days ago, I read Justin Sirois's book MLKNG SCKLS. It's a remarkable little book—a series of excerpts, in fact—from a novel he's working on about an Iraqi escaping Fallujah.
The language is not dense, but it has a deep and impressive lyricism. Sirois has a gift for lyrical writing that in no way seems forced. The alliteration and internal rhymes that occur in the well-constructed sentences work in ways they don't in a lot of prose lyricism. He is restrained, picking the right spots to deploy a rhetorical figure to advantage.
The books two main characters are walking through the Iraqi desert, journeying from Fallujah to Ramadi, one recording it all on a laptop with a slowly draining battery. It has its Beckett precedents, but instead of Beckett's surreal, placeless place settings, MLKNG SCKLS is played out on the great contemporary American misadventure of our war in Iraq. Absurdity and tragedy collide every day in that Middle Eastern country, and Sirios recognizes and reveals it all well.
A favorite scene of mine features a man uncooking a meal, a task as seemingly impossible as, say, unringing a bell; or uninvading a country because of faulty, cooked intelligence. The characters manages his task. America, though, won't.
Looking forward to the novel, Justin. It's a great honor to share a publisher.
I thought maybe that because of the bad economy and the high unemployment rate here in the nation of the United States of America, it would be good for me to take a week or maybe two out of my nonstop schedule of entertaining in blog form—or, my nonstop schedule of attempting to but never really being able to entertain readers with a blog here on the internet—to instead use my nationally accessible forum to help out with the education of the people who are reading this and might also be unemployed.
Isn't that nice? Isn't it nice of me? I think sometimes that I am nice.
Anyway.
So I thought I could maybe use this blog post to highlight a possible career for those that are unemployed and maybe looking to find for themselves some kind of gainful and satisfactory employment opportunities.
Let's start by looking at a picture of this man:
This man has a job. This man is a Regional Picnic Endorser. That is his title. That is what he does for a living. He lives in a region—the Pacific Northwest—and he attends many picnics in this region. He attends the picnics and evaluates them by following a six point rubric. He rates the picnic according to the rubric. And then, if the picnic scores a certain number of the six possible points, he endorses the picnic. And he endorses it by appearing in photographs making the "thumbs up" gesture.
This is his job. He is paid very well to do this job. He has benefits. And not just regular benefits. He has HEALTH benefits, which are, I think you know, some of the best kinds of benefits to get. People really covet health benefits.
He gets them because of his Regional Picnic Endorser position.
I interviewed him.
How did you get your job?
I sort of fell into it. I was at a park on a Saturday taking some photos and I saw a picnic. The folks who were putting on the picnic were very friendly and they gave me a hotdog with mustard. It was a nice stone ground honey mustard. I ate the hotdog and enjoyed it, and I gave the host the "thumbs up."
A man who was attending the picnic approached me and asked me to make the "thumbs up" sign again. I did so. He told me I was a natural. He gave me his business card and told me to call him Monday about a job. I was hesitant, but then he told me about the health benefits.
How long have you been doing this job?
Six years now. It's the longest I've ever held any job. I love it. So many hotdogs!
Tell me about the rubric. What are the six things a picnic must have to get the full six points?
I'm sorry, but I am not allowed to tell you. The six points are a closely guarded secret of our agency. If I told you, then everyone who was hosting a picnic would follow the six points specifically, but not try to innovate. It is important that Americans continue to innovate and shift the picnic paradigm internationally. We must remain Exceptionalists, re: picnics. We can't fall behind the Chinese or, say, the Brazilians.
How can someone get a job endorsing regional picnics?
You can stumble into it, like I did. Or you can go to your local government website. There are usually positions open, even if they are not listed. If you don't see one on the government jobs site, I would suggest calling Parks and Recreation directly and asking. Often, the person who answers the phone will pretend like the job doesn't exist. This is a test. Keep pressing them and eventually they will say, "Congratulations! Your persistence has earned you an interview!"
Also, come see Mary Miller and Jonathan Evison at The College Inn Pub, August 5 at 7pm. Aaron Burch will be there, too, to read from the brand spanking new issue of Hobart!
