One

Something has happened to me.

I don't know what. I really don't.

I went to a record store, though, and that's where I noticed it.

So, I went to this record store to buy a record. (A CD, actually. I still call CDs records. I think it's because they are still "recordings.")

I went and bought a record by a band I had seen the night before.

There was a big crowd at the show. So everyone else knew about, and were already well-versed in the specifics of the band that I was just that night being introduced to. I was behind everyone else. I apologize for being well behind everybody else.

I felt behind everybody else, but I wanted to buy the record, so I went to the record store. And I found the record. And I brought the record to the front.

And I knew I was behind. And I knew I was especially, probably, behind the guy who worked at the record store. Who can help that? We're all behind the guy who works at the record store.

So I was embarrassed to bring the record up to the guy at the record store.

I decided I would be really pleasant to the guy at the record store so I make the guy at the record store only sort of look down on me for being so far behind. He'd think, "Well, he's way behind but at least he's nice."

It's not easy working retail. So I tried to be really pleasant, hoping that in some way, that would make up for me being behind.

I did my best. I was very pleasant. I didn't ask for a bag.

And then on my way out, I said, "Have a good one."

I've never said that before. A nice day, sure. A pleasant afternoon. A nice evening. A lovely weekend.

But I've never said, "Have a good one." Because I don't like that expression.

And yet, I said it.

I went one step too far. I went beyond pleasant to something else: I went to lame.

"Have a good one."

I heard it come out, and couldn't bring it back. I said it. I said, "Have a good one."

And a couple of days ago? I said it again to someone else. At a grocery store.

Now I can't stop myself. I can't help it. I want people to have a good one.

I hate myself. I must figure out how to not do this. I won't blog until I figure out how not to do this. I won't.

Until then. Have. A. Good. One.