Napkin. (A Man Who Couldn't Blog Classic.)

from the early days, 8.26.05

It's very difficult to get a blog these days. They are scarce, rare as diamonds. And valuable. I would very much like to have a blog. On the blog I would blog. Every day I would sit down to blog on my blog. Yes, given the chance I would certainly love to verb on my noun.

But, alas.

I do not have a blog, because they are hard to find. You can't simply go online and sign up—free!—for a blog. What kind of a world would it be if you could, do you think? Pretty astonishing. It would be a wild and beautiful world if everyone of us could have a blog of our own. We'd all be so free and so very lucky if we could—every single one of us!—have a blog of our own.

But, alas.

I've no blog. Can't find one. Can't get one. And so, I write on napkins. Little, soiled napkins. I find them and I write on them. I write about how much I wish I could blog. I take soiled napkins from restaurants and bars and hotdog stands, and stick them in my pocket, and I bring them home with me. I take out a ballpoint pen, and I grab the napkins from the bottom of my pocket, and I write on them. And I take those napkins and drop them from my window. They fall into the alley behind my apartment. People pick them up and read them.

People like you. You standing there with this soiled napkin in your hand, reading.

***

Last night, I thought a lot about George Plympton. That's because last night was the night we in Seattle explode things in the air over water. And George Plympton—the great and powerful Plympton—loved more than most the act of exploding things in the air. (Sometimes over water.)

For George, here is a list of the fireworks in the Spinners, Wheels, and Wings category sold by Black Cat Fireworks:

4 Wheel Drive, Blow Your Top, Cat Eyes, Crackling Jumbo Ground Bloom, Disco Spinners, Dizzy Spell, Escape the Mothership, Extra Large Ground Bloom Flower, Green Hornet, Gyro Pyro, Hypno Spinner, Kamikaze, Solar Wind, Space Bugs, Spin City, Super Jumping Jacks, Surface to Air Missile, Tasmanian Devils, The Wacky Whistle Machine, Twister, Utter Chaos, Wailing Wheel, Wasp, Whirl Wind, Yellow Jacket.

***

Yes. I get to decide if something I wrote on this blog is a classic.