I can't remember when it was that I stopped crying when I hurt myself. Like when I was out running around and I fell and skinned my knee and started crying, right?
Remember that? How you used to get a scrape or a cut and you'd cry? And then one day that stopped making you cry? I get a cut or a scrape now and, really, I never cry. My eyes have watered from pain. I've hurt myself and gone on an expletive-laden tirade. I've gotten all red-faced.
Sure. I've done those things. Sure.
But I don't start crying.
Unless I'm in some sort of emotional pain. If someone important to me dies. Or—and this hasn't happened in a while—when I have some sort of girl-boy breakup thing. Crying might happen there.
But not when I stub my toe. Not if I break a tooth. Not if I slip when I'm out running and my knee is skinned and my iPod goes skittering across the pavement. I don't cry then anymore.
But I was thinking, maybe I should? Maybe I should make some adjustments to my way of thinking about myself and my different kinds of pain, and maybe I'll cry when I hurt myself and never cry again when I have some sort of emotional trauma.
I think if I can change my behavior, if I can think myself into a place where I cry when I stub my toe but not when my girlfriend tells me I'm an asshole and she never ever wants to see me again, I'll be able to carry on less stressful relationships with people.
I might even stop being an asshole.
I'll just be a guy who is openly crying, full-throated crying, unashamedly crying because he cut his finger when he was quartering potatoes for potato soup. I'll just be a guy who sniffles and winces as Bactine is applied. All that.
This is a good idea, I think. I'm going to have to look into it. If I figure it all out, maybe I'll blog about it.
Until then...
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Zachary Schomburg. I will say something about him on HTMLGiant this week.
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Disintegration Loop.
5 comments:
my 5-year-old son started crying last night because he couldn't read the entire title of a book ('if i ran the circus' by dr. seuss). he was really upset.
What about when you want a toy?
Also, when I am in a store, I will cry when I don't buy myself some strong Belgian beer or a Nintendo Wii.
Good point, John! I should cry then, too.
Did he have trouble with "circus", Alicia?
at school, they learn words and then build sentences with each new word. he knew 'i' and 'the,' but had trouble with the rest of the words. i think got upset mainly because he was tired (it was bedtime).
it's just so strange to see him feeling emotional about his own shortcomings.
this is nice post. a few weeks ago at work i sat and watched a seventeen-year-old kid try to force himself to cry for like 20 minutes. it was a really strange and entertaining thing to watch.
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