I do not like to travel, and so instead I eat maps. That is what I do to take the place of leaving my house and going someplace far off with different kinds of buildings and clothes and cultural ideas. I eat maps that show the places far away that I might want to go to if it wasn't for the fact that I just don't want to.
I like to eat my maps dry, and without melted cheeses. I like to eat my maps with a small hunk of bread, a think, crusty bread. I like to eat my maps with a tall glass of some kind of really strong Belgian beer, like one of those triple fermented ones that has a 10% alcohol by volume rating. I like to eat my maps with a simple fork and a very sharp knife—one that is like a razor.
I like to, when I eat my maps, use the razor to cut along whatever lines happen to already exist on the map. I eat country by country on large maps that depict the world from a great height. I eat state by state if I am eating a map of a single country and that country breaks itself up into states. This also would work with principalities or regions or whatever. I eat county by county. I could eat a city map block by block, or whatever.
When I eat a topographic map, I like to eat just the tops of the mountains or hills first. The valleys seem a little more tender, I guess. They aren't, but seem that way.
When I eat a map, I always make sure to cut away the rivers and lakes and leave them on the side. It's like deveining a shrimp.
People ask me where I've been and I say, I've been lots of places, and you can rub my belly to see.
No travelling, no blogging. Just map-eating.
8 comments:
I really love your sense of humor.
Who would have thought writing about why you can't blog would produce such wonderfully creative entries!
I love your blog. If I ate blogs for sustenance, as you do maps, yours would be one of those desserts I'd be craving through the entire meal. Kind of like waiting for your next entry.
You may not blog often, but when you do it's worth it :-)
eccentric as always...
I didn't know you are into science ;-) but I do see where your sharpness comes from, now.
By the way, Heinz von Foerster said: The map is the territory. Happy traveling! No way we will ever manage to blog ;-)
Beautiful!
do the maps have a residual flavour of the local cuisine? like yak milk in the himalayas for example?
just wondering...
My town probably tastes like chitlins and fatback....:)
A great blog - thanks!
Diary Entry - 25th January 2006 - the taste of plastic and graphite and a fine film clinging to my teeth - the only sign that I have eaten my own words. no sooner had they come into being than they were gone. written and destroyed in under a minute. no record kept. five lines vaguely starting from the great pyramids. you will never know what they said. I will never write it exactly the same way again. a lesson in belief - that words are enough in themselves. their act of being written is enough - even if noone remembers, if noone reads. even if they travel away forever through the slimey tunnels within and without.
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